Messages From God 2

This continues from my earlier post of God sitting me down and speaking specific things and scripture to me in August 2004.

God talked to me about three of His children in the Bible: Daniel, Jeremiah, and Esther.

He pointed out that Daniel did not give up on his convictions and He applied God's will to his own life and God used him where he was. Daniel also held strong to his Faith in God, and no matter what happened, Daniel would do what God says.

Although we can read this account in the bible and we can say "wow" at this man and his faith that was tested big, it is still hard in the midst of your own trials and pain. It is so hard to stay focused and even at times it’s hard to believe that "faith" even matters.

God spoke to me about Jeremiah and focused on how Jeremiah endured. Jeremiah's call shows how intimately God knows us. God valued us before anyone knew we would exist and He cared for us in the womb.That last part was important for me to hear, because my pain started in the womb and the battle for my life started in the womb. My mother did not want another baby and felt she had taken all precautions to avoid becoming pregnant. The pregnancy was not a joyous pregnancy; instead she became very depressed and lost a great deal of weight in her pregnancy. The womb did not provide the warmth, health, and care that a fetus needs. God and Satan battled over my life. My God was fighting for me before I was even born. That does bring some encouragement to me to know God's undying love. After birth mom would remain depressed and our relationship did not start the way it was designed. She withdrew and eventually baby Tammy withdrew as well. During this time I would have my first experience of sexual abuse from one outside of our home.

God also shared that even when Jeremiah was tempted to give up that he didn't instead Jeremiah knew to keep going. Man, that's hard, I haven't been that strong. Jeremiah also knew that serving God does not guarantee earthly security. Anyone who has truly learned how to serve God can truly understand that statement. Pure commitment to God and following him normally includes criticism and alienation from the world at its cruelest form.

The last person God shared with me is Esther. Through her life I learned that only when our security rests on God and His unchanging nature can we face the challenges that life is to bring our way. I personally was having so much difficulty with being in the lowest of lowest pits, so it seemed, and not in control of my person and my career. I felt such a liar to continue my career and be so broken myself. As God shared about Esther, He asked a familiar question he had voiced before; "Does your security lie in possessions, position, or reputation?" Well, matter of fact it does, God, what of it? Honestly, the question ticked me off and why did he have to keep pounding me with it?? I told him--- God how ridiculous can you be? Haven't I lost enough, suffered enough, and endured enough? I haven’t had much to be proud of in my life, but now I have my calling, my career, and now it’s slipping away from me as well? Do you not remember all that I had to overcome to get here? God why do you want to be so mean? My career is the only thing that gives me any esteem at all. You are way off God, and this is unfair!

God continued sharing about Esther and pointed out this: "God has not placed you in your present position for your own benefit; He put you there to serve him." Well thank you very much Esther! But God, I'm not Esther!!!!! His next question: "Are you willing to let God be your ultimate security? Serving God often demands that you risk your own security. I have a purpose for the situation in which you are in".

That is not a statement or question you can jump through and answer quickly. It has taken a lot of soul searching. And probably like many others in the Bible, I have made small steps and giant steps in that direction and then ran back as fast as I could--- it’s a work in progress.