Messages from God

I have struggled so much during these YEARS of healing, yes- years!! Many people read what I write and think it is my current situation, but it is not so. I am writing what has evolved over the past several years in an effort to educate, to encourage, providing hope to those who may need it, and to take the next step of "release" in my own life and grasp on to a new or different future for my life. If I am to speak publically one day, then it only makes sense to begin writing about my experience in preparation of what "will be".


I have been somewhat sadden that some have seen my writings as negative or staying stuck. That is not my heart or goal as I write this blog. To communicate my story- means I will share the unfortunate and yuck of my past. But I do not live in my past. The past comes up and presents itself through memories from time to time and I have to face and deal with those memories to take the next step of healing.

Most of the time, I really do feel fortunate with experiencing this healing journey. I don't feel fortunate to have experienced the terrible acts done to me, but the journey has taken me to new relationships with my Master and Healer, the One True God, Himself!

Today, I'm going to share from one of those experiences and times with the One True God. I speak of God as the One True God, because he is the only "ONE TRUE GOD". The witches/cult and Satan have tried to instill other messages. As I have progressed through breaking those holds it has been important to identify God as the "One True God" and not allow old messages to play upon different gods. It’s complicated and difficult to explain, but cults/witches play off of confusion and brainwashing-- so it is a continuous battle to make my alliance clear and break any alliance that the cult/witches desired to have in my life. The good news is they don't have much hold anymore and I can recognize the messages they present. Satan tries every avenue and game possible and usually presents the same tactics, he is not very creative. Satan usually attacks relationships and causing confusion, lies, and breakdown within relationships. Satan attacks my finances, and uses people and things to remind me of the past abuse. These types of things some time ago would cause me to spiral down but now it’s just more of a frustration and irritation. I have learned that I can't spent time trying to fight his games, instead of-- I have to stay grounded in God's word and call the game for what it is-- Satan and his lies.

It hasn't been easy to get to this level of strength. The stronger I would get, the stronger Satan would attack. Sometimes I wanted to call it quits and let Satan win, because it seemed inevitable. Thank goodness for the few true friends and prayer warriors I had in my life. I could always call upon them to go to battle with me.

One of my personal battles has been accepting the order of events in my life. I have shared before that I have had issue with when God decided to reveal my past to me. In my somewhat perfect world, it makes sense that I would have known of my past before college, before seminary, before my career. In my human head, it seems I would be a more credible person if the events happened in that order. Instead I have felt that all credibility, integrity, and trust that others may have had--- has now been destroyed from the mixed up order of events.

A few years ago, in August 2004, I was emotionally and physically exhausted from the ongoing battle in my life. It was a Saturday and I sat crying out to God to just release me from all of this and give me peace even if that meant my death, just give me peace!

God had been very real and verbal during this journey. He directed me to sit down and listen as He began to speak scriptures to me and thoughts and questions that went along with those scriptures.

God started with two tough questions: 1. Why would you think you would return to the self before? You will never be who you were. As your hurts are healed, and soon become whole, you will be a new person, better, stronger, and prepared to serve like never before. Those are tough words to hear. I didn't want to hear those words either. Did God not see the successful counseling career I was having??? Did God not see how all this "junk" was destroying everything I had worked so hard for?? How could a loving God even say those words??

Question 2: Why have you limited your ministry to one way, one label? I plan to do many things with and through you. Sure you do, is it your plan to make me look like an idiot, incapable, sick, out of control, crazy and a complete piece of trash, other words, worthless?

God continued... I first will give some scripture to you on giving up: 1 Corinthians 9:25 "Everyone who goes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Tammy, sometimes you have to give up something good to do what I, God, wants to do.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore do not lose heart. Though OUTWARDLY we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is UNSEEN. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL. Tammy, renew your commitment to serving Me. Don't forsake your ETERNAL reward because of the INTENSITY of today's pain. Your very WEAKNESS allows the resurrection Power of Christ to strengthen you moment by moment.

Job 6:8-10 "Oh that I might have my request that God would grant what I hope for, that God would be willing to crush me, to let loose his hand and cut me off!! Then I would still have this consolation-- my joy in unrelenting pain that I had not denied the words of the Holy One." Tammy, Job in his grief, wanted to be freed from discomfort and to DIE. God did not grant his request, He had a greater plan for him. Trust me; I will take care of you.

Psalm 13:1-6 "How Long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me. Look on me and answer, O Lord My God. Give light to my eyes or I will sleep in death. My enemy will say I have overcome him and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me" Tammy, through prayer you can express your feelings and tell ME, as David did, I will help you regain perspective and give peace.

Tammy, read this scripture on dependence. 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 "we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in Asia. We were in great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even our life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the surface of DEATH. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hopes that He will continue to deliver us." Tammy, you cannot help yourself, You simply must rely on Me.

Determination-- Luke 9:51: As the time approached for Him to be taken to Heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem." Tammy, I knew I would face persecution and death, but was determined to go. That kind of resolve should characterize your life when God gives you a cause of action, move steadily toward the destination, no matter what potential hazards await you there.

Strength-- Judges 7:2 "The Lord said to Gideon, 'You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her' " Tammy, self-suffiency is an enemy when it causes you to believe that you can do it on your own. Recognize the danger of fighting in your own strength. You can be confident of victory only if you put your confidence in Me, your God.

Luke 4:3f "The devil said to Him, 'if you are the son of God, tell this stone to become bread' " Tammy, often humans are tempted not through their Weaknesses, but through their Strengths. All of your strengths are God's Gifts, you must dedicate those strengths to Me, and My service.

Hebrews 12:12 "therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees". Tammy, although you may not feel strong enough to push on to victory, you will be able to accomplish it as you follow Me and draw on My strength. Then you can use your growing strength to help those around you who are weak and struggling as well.

That is all I will share of that day on this blog for now, I will share more later on.